I mean, they have to, don’t they?
Consider this – Nick Markakis, at the age of 34, is rocking a career high .600 isolated slugging. Not only will this break the single season record for ISO by 64 points, it will be only the second time in history that a player has an ISO of .475 or higher. Certainly, this knowledge may concern you because the only other player, Barry Bonds, had his reputation ruined by the stench of steroids. And considering Markakis has never had an ISO over .200, you might be quick to believe he is on steroids.
But I don’t. I believe he is a man of integrity. A man of purity. He is a Real American. He fights for the rights of every man. Markakis is a real American. He fights for what’s right. Even fights for his life.
Some of you cynics will suggest that Nick Markakis is only hitting for unreal power now because he is in a contract season. How dare each and everyone of you! Markakis is finally healthy after LIFE-THREATENING NECK SURGERY. The last three years have been extensive rehab. That means that he’s been better than half of the league while coming back from CAREER-ENDING NECK SURGERY. Now, healthy, he’s ready to unleash the greatest performance in history.
But, yes, he is in a contract season. It’s time to do what is right. It’s time to sign Nick Markakis to a contract extension. He is the face of the Atlanta Braves and we all know it. Sign him now before Markakis leaves us forever. Ask yourself this: if you took Ted Williams‘ DNA, mixed it with the DNA of Babe Ruth, Rusty Greer, and King Kelly to form the ultimate player with grit, determination, and a je nais quoi of the likes of which we’ve never seen before…would you let that player go?
Because if the Braves don’t sign Markakis to a contract extension, that’s exactly what will happen.
Born Again in Markakis Light
P.S. Well, no, don’t sign him to a contract extension, but that was one hell of a game, amiright?