As Stephen (@b_outliers) stated, it’s going to be an interesting week.
Let me tell you a joke about some snails
3 snails crawl into a bar. 2 of the snails start conversing with each other. The 3rd snail, who was on the verge of buying a round of beers, gets upset about being left out of the conversation and signals to the bartender to bring him a beer…not beers.
When the other 2 snails stop conversing, they look up at the 3rd snail and are surprised that he’s sitting with beer in tow and the bartender didn’t ask if they’d wanted anything. The 2 snails then go on to tell the 3rd snail that since the bar didn’t serve food, they were discussing the possibility of ordering a pizza, picking it up, and bringing it back to the bar for all to enjoy. The 3rd snail now feels embarrassed and even more forlorn as his bit of insecure selfishness backfired on him.
To make up for matters, he tells the other 2 that he’ll order the pizza and go pick it up while they sit and watch over his beer. The 2 snails didn’t really understand the motive behind the decision but agreed to let the 3rd snail go get the pizza. So snail #3 abandoned his beer (which was craft and delicious) and started off…and yes…it was at a snail’s pace.
4 weeks later…
Snails 1 and 2 are still sitting at the bar and still guarding snail #3’s beer. They begin to discuss the fact that he’s been gone quite a while and had likely already got the pizza and ate it himself. They came to this conclusion after realizing how odd snail #1 was acting upon his departure. Infuriated at his betrayal, snail 1&2 make a decision:
They’re going to drink snail #3’s beer.
They slime their way up to the lip of the pint glass, millimeter by millimeter, and finally reach the lip. But right before they dip their tiny tongues into the beer, they hear a voice from the door:
Hey you 2! If you drink my beer, I’m not going to get this pizza!
MLB free agency has been moving at a snail’s pace this offseason. The players are dumbfounded. Most fans are dumbfounded. Whether it’s agents demanding too much, tanking teams, lack of need, there’s no mistaking that it’s been a real drag on all of us. But I think, for the Braves, it’s about to change. I said it yesterday, and I’ll reiterate it today: Braves make a move this week.
So here’s the contest. Please follow it step by step:
- Sign up to comment on our site (Provide Twitter handle if you have it)
- Pick a player that you think Braves will sign before Spring Training.
- Pick the years and the contract given.
Example: Emilio Bonifacio, 3 years 42MM from @b_outliers.
The winner will be the closest to all 3 categories and he/she will receive an autographed Dale Murphy hat. If there are 2 winners, the 2nd will receive a copy of Ballplayer by Chipper Jones.
Good Luck, Braves fam!